I sought TONS of advice when I had Ember Eve. I asked friends and family members about breastfeeding, runny noses, sleeping schedules, pumping, anxiety…you name it. Of course, I didn’t ask about everything but I didn’t hesitate to ask about most new-mom-related topics. Some of my friends offered advice without me asking for it. Many of my friends offered advice in a gentle, delicate way while others were blunt and direct. I welcomed most of the advice, and I knew the friend offering it had the best of intentions. But at times, it felt like I was drowning in conflicting advice, which was overwhelming.
Lately I’ve been reading lots of “mom articles” and thinking about the advice moms offer each other. The worst offenders seem to be the moms who comment on FB posts and shame other moms for their decisions. I scroll through these comments and shake my head at how nasty and cruel some moms can be to other moms. I read one the other day that said that all women could and should breastfeed but that many moms are too selfish to do so. This woman went on and on about it, and the women who responded listed many, many reasons why they couldn’t breastfeed. What struck me was that they felt compelled to respond to this woman in the first place. Why bother? She wasn’t going to listen. Some people will always think they know what is right for others, and I’ve given up trying to defend myself or correct them.
But this got me thinking. Many of my friends have cranked out babies recently, and I often offer them unsolicited advice. Should I do this? Should I wait until they ask for my advice? I’m not sure what the correct answer is, and maybe it depends on the situation. And really, if I I’m being truthful, I’ve only been a mom for 15 months, so I’m certainly no expert! I’m still learning, growing, adjusting, and struggling with this new identity. I definitely do not have all the answers!
As moms, we often think we know best because we survived and experienced something, but we need to consider that experiences and situations are different for every mom, baby, and family. We don’t know all the details; we don’t know their family dynamic and what happens inside their homes on a daily basis. I’m going to try to be mindful of this when offering advice and consider that simply because something worked for us does not mean it’s the best or right choice or decision for another family.
Instead of telling a mom, you should do THIS, I’m going to say, well, this is what worked for us. I will hope that by sharing my struggles and successes I can help another new mom in this crazy journey we call parenting.
(Photo: Here are two recent pictures of Ember Eve looking adorable with her sunflower and me looking massive, but happy. Soon we will be a family of four….)
