Most moms want time to slow down, but lately I am the opposite. I am looking forward to my girls growing and changing. Ember Eve is 17 months and babbling, but she isn’t making sense yet. I told my husband the other day that I cannot wait for Ember Eve to begin talking and communicating with me. He thinks I may change my mind once she begins talking nonstop, but I don’t think so. And I cannot wait for Ivy Q to smile and develop a personality. Maybe I’ll regret this, but lately I am looking forward to the future instead of enjoying the present. I’ve said this before, and I’ll admit it again–I am not real fond of the newborn phase. Ivy is very sweet and snuggly, but I prefer the ages in which the kiddos interact with me.  Overall, Ivy Q is a great baby, but I find myself longing for her to be older, closer to Ember Eve’s age. I know it will happen in time, and I know I should enjoy this beginning period, but it’s hard.

Maybe I’m looking forward to the future because I’m frazzled and fried most days. I run around like a total maniac. I’m usually in pajamas until at least lunchtime (not by choice), and I don’t take very good care of myself. My needs come last, and I try so hard to take care of everyone else first. My goal, most days, is to keep everyone alive. When I have the opportunity to take a walk for 5 or 10 minutes with just my dog, I almost weep in relief to have a break. (Also, I cannot believe I was able to write this blog in ONE SITTING. Lately, I have to write this in quick bursts when I have help with the girls or, like today, when both are sleeping at the same time–a rarity).

Something else I’ve realized lately is that having a second baby reaffirmed for me just how much I love Ember Eve. I know it isn’t a competition of love between the two girls, and of course I love my Ivy Q as well. I’ve had to sacrifice time with Ember, and sometimes I miss her and what it was like when she was an only child. I still spend lots of time with her but it’s different–the baby often takes priority. I almost never spend time with Ember alone. Usually, I’m juggling the baby and Ember, and Ivy wants to be held pretty much all the time. My husband is usually the one who gets Ember out of her crib in the morning (since he is gone most of the day, he takes the early morning duty). She’s adorable in the morning, and I always loved that time with her. The other day my mother took Ember outside to run around, something I love doing, and I was stuck inside feeding Ivy or pumping. I know this time will fly by and soon I’ll  be chasing after both of them, but occasionally I do long for what it was like before. 

I also have newfound respect for moms of two or more kids. Man, it can be a struggle to do anything with both of them! For example, when I want to take a walk with both girls, it takes like 10 minutes of prep to even get us outside. I  have to get Ember dressed and ready for outdoors (jacket, hat, shoes) and load her in the jogging stroller (this can be a struggle if she’s in one of her feisty moods). I’d love to let her run around instead but we’d get absolutely nowhere since her current obsession is collecting acorns! Then she needs snacks in her cup holder (deal breaker without snacks in the cup holder) and milk or water.  Then I finagle Ivy Q  into her warm snowsuit and cram the baby burrito into the front of my pack. Next, I struggle to get my boots on by the back door and somehow manage without completely smashing Ivy in the pack. When we do finally make it outside, I’m ready for a break! 
Being a mom of two has been frustrating, challenging, and rewarding…and I’m only 5 weeks in! I have 7 more weeks of leave, so in all sincerity, I am going to make an effort to enjoy this time, as messy and hectic as it may be.